Sandy Graber Memorial Service
January 12, 2008
The Rev. James Richardson

Proverbs 31: 10-31
Psalm 23
1 Corinthians 13: 1-13
John 1: 1-5, 14

To Miles and your family, friends and colleagues – on behalf of everyone here – I want to express to you our deepest, deepest sympathy and condolences upon the death of Sandy. Please know that everyone here is stricken, and all of us extend to you our love and support.

There are many communities gathered here today. Many of you are from the mental health community or the music community. Some of you are friends and colleagues of Sandy’s. And many of you are members of this parish where Sandy worshipped and served on our board of directors, called the “Vestry.” Please know that all of you are welcome here today. All are invited to participate in whatever way you feel comfortable in this service celebrating the life of Sandy Graber.

All of us are here today because, in some way, Sandy and her family touched our lives. I know that this is a very difficult day for everyone here. All of us would rather be doing anything else than this. Each of us comes here with our own tears. I think some may have big questions: Why did this happen to someone like Sandy? Some might even ask, “Why did God allow this?”

There is really not anything I can say that can fully answer those questions, or make the hurt go away. But there are some things I want to tell you today from the depths of my soul.

First, Sandy is Ok. Sandy is in a place of healing. Sandy is in a place where she cannot be hurt. She is in the loving embrace of her Creator God. If you are feeling hurt and sad and even angry, that is perfectly all right. We are the ones left here who are still wounded and still hurting. And it will take a very long time to heal. But Sandy is Ok.

Here is the second thing I want tell you today: If you remember anything I say today – anything at all – please remember this: Don’t let anyone tell you that Sandy’s death is “God’s plan,” or that somehow God needed her more than we do. That is simply wrong.

The Bible may not be clear about some things, but it is clear about one thing – death is the enemy. God does not wish this on any of us. I have been around death many times, and I will never get used to it. Death remains a mystery to me, a mirror into which we “see dimly,” as Paul puts it. Yet I also know this to the depths of my soul: Death is not the end of the story.

Death is not the end of the story. Death does not get the last word. Not today and not tomorrow. Love and life gets the last word.

The biblical passages we hear today were chosen with great care by Sandy’s family, and they tell us a great deal about a God brimming with love and generosity – and about Sandy’s struggle to understand the mystery of this God.

The reading from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians is about how love is greater than faith itself. Paul describes love as “patient and kind” and how “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Now, there is something curious about this passage from Paul that you can’t hear in English. Paul wrote the letter in Greek, and the word he uses for love is “agape,” and that is a peculiar word. It means love as a gift from the spirit. Not love as a virtue – that would be “agapan” – but love – “agape” – as a gift from God. Agape, I believe, is a description of God’s gift of love and grace for Sandy, and Sandy’s gift of love to all of us. This God, the God of love, brings Sandy out of her pain, and binds her wounds and heals her. That is what Amazing Grace is all about.

Life – here in this world – and life in the next – is the promise of a loving God who will carry us through this. All of us – you and me. Still, there is nothing fair or right about Sandy’s death.

We live in a broken, imperfect world, where life is very tenuous, and for whatever reason, sometimes things go terribly, terribly wrong. A split second, a bad decision, and someone we love is lost from us. There are no easy answers today. But know this: Our God, the God of love, is crying today even as we cry. Our God walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death with us. Our God embraces us in love and heals us with patience and kindness because God’s love never, never ends. God is here with us, right here, holding us up.

I will tell you how I know this: By bringing us all here together, today. Look around you, look for God in the face of the person next to you. Feel the love that is in this room.

In the last 12 days, I have experienced something of this that is extraordinary: Soon after you got the word about Sandy’s death, many of you here went to Miles’ home, and you’ve been with his family through their anguish. And you have filled their refrigerator with food – Miles tells me he cannot fit another casserole dish in there.

You never left their side no matter how hard it was. Your love is an awesome gift, and you did more than you can imagine to hold up this family. And God is within you, even now, giving you a power of love you probably didn’t even know you have. I mentioned earlier that the biblical passages we hear today were chosen with care by Sandy’s family. Let me tell you something more about that, because it is about Sandy. The passages come from a Bible that her godmother gave her – and Sandy marked up the Bible in the margins. I can tell you she read all of it, and the pages are very worn.

The passage you just heard: “In the beginning was the Word” comes from the opening stanzas of the Gospel of John. Sandy pondered those stanzas, and, I am told, that for her the whole mystery of God and the person of Jesus were contained in these words. She told her friends that if she could plumb these words for all their meaning she might understand God more deeply. Her margin notes were about the infinity of God and life. And, I have to tell you, the last sermon she ever heard preached here at All Souls were on these stanzas.

I would also venture that she lived into these words: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth.” Sandy explored her faith seriously, and she struggled with it – and that is a lesson for all of us. She was raised Jewish and came to Christianity late in life, finding a way to understand not just God but herself and her own Jewishness. At the end of this service we will recite the Mourner’s Kaddish as a way of honoring her Jewish roots.

She found in this church – All Souls Parish – a safe place to explore her faith. An angel brought her here -- her dog, a big yellow Labrador Retriever. Sandy came on a St. Francis Sunday when we bless animals, and the joy and openness of that blessing brought her in the door and she never looked back. Her exploration and struggle with faith gave her depth beyond measure, and Miles tells me, a confidence about her own life and the life of others making her a rock in the storm of life. Her faith was a gift to her family and friends. “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

She gave us that gift of light – so I want to invite you to share a gift with Sandy’s family. After this service, we will gather in the Hall over there for a reception. Please come and remember your favorite stories about Sandy and share your memories. There will be special books you can write in. Don’t worry about your spelling – just write what you can. We will give these books to Sandy’s family.

Sandy is giving us one more gift today, and it is the third and final thing I want to tell you about: Her gift of life is a reminder to all of us to leave here today to be the best you can be, to live every day knowing life is an awesome gift. Love your friends and love your family, don’t let a single day go by without saying it – and showing it. Let the little stuff go. Hold each other close, be patient and kind to each other and everyone you meet, and live your life fully every single day.

Life can be a wonderful adventure, and life extends beyond the horizon where we cannot yet see. Sandy is exploring a little ahead of us now, a little too soon for us. There are many roads and infinite horizons ahead for all of us, so have strength and courage and wisdom – and may the love of God be your ever-present guide.

AMEN